


Foxes Give Out Nonsense Answers

by Megkips



Category: The Fox - Ylvis (Music Video)
Genre: Gen, Myths retold, Pastiche
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-21
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-05 10:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1092740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megkips/pseuds/Megkips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And in the midst of all of these animal noises<br/>our friend mister does not know how to dress appropriately for parties stumbles upon the most important question of our time<br/>or at least of his time while at this party<br/>and that is:<br/>What <i>does</i> the fox say?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Foxes Give Out Nonsense Answers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mithrigil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mithrigil/gifts).



Okay so.  
Norway.

Now, I _know_ what you’re thinking  
this myth is from Scandinavia,  
the dudes who gave us Norse mythology  
therefore this story must be balls out ridiculous

Well you're right.  
that's actually the perfect phrase for this story  
but let me just go on the record now  
and state that there’s no [golddruggery](http://bettermyths.com/there-are-not-a-lot-of-things-freya-wont-do-for-jewelry/) here  
or octohorses  
or giant slabs of meat with their own [comic book movies](http://bettermyths.com/so-i-saw-thor/)  
but that’s okay  
because you do not need dwarves fucking gold or animals with an alarming amount of legs or storm gods making bad life choices in every single myth  
in order to create something that resonates with so many people that it can eventually become a [Sesame Street vine.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKRcd7L9y0g)

Let's begin.

So, there’s this dude, hanging out at a party of furries.  
No, really, that’s how the story starts  
a dude at a furry party.  
Now, mind you, this dude is actually dressed like a dude  
instead of being dressed like a wolf or a lion or mouse  
presumably imprisoned in a costume that’s hotter than the Sahara desert.  
I mean admittedly, this is set in Norway, where that kind of heat is probably welcome.  
Anyway

This dude is hanging out and watching all these people walk past him  
dressed in animal costumes  
having fun, making animal noises  
you know, as you do in these situations.  
And in the midst of all of these animal noises  
our friend mister does not know how to dress appropriately for parties stumbles upon the most important question of our time  
or at least of his time while at this party  
and that is:  
What _does_ the fox say?

Now, let’s just stop there  
and consider this question and its implications.  
Has this man actually never heard what sound a fox makes?  
I mean, it isn’t like foxes are uncommon creatures.  
For example, I saw one the other day just crossing the road  
it waited for all the cars to stop at the red light, and then just went across.  
At the time it wasn’t making any noise, but it was being a clever bastard.  
Anyway, my point is that the sound a fox makes is extremely easy to find  
you go to youtube  
search for cute fox videos  
and bam, you’ve got your answer  
you get what the fox says and a bunch of youtube comments talking about how cute the fox is  
and then someone contradicting how cute the fox is just to be an asshole

But clearly Google is not an option for mister dude you couldn’t even buy a crappy mask for the party here  
because the second he asks what sound a fox makes he gets an answer  
and that answer is given by, obviously  
a man dressed as a fox.  
Now I’m just gonna quote this man's answer word for word, because I cannot make this shit up.  
The sound the fox makes, is, and i quote:  
Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!  
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!  
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!  
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!  
And for good measure:  
Tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!  
Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!  
End quote.

You would think that this would be a pretty solid answer for mister wears an actual suit instead of a fursuit  
But no  
it is not  
Because after he gets his answer, he decides that the fox’s noise?  
Eh, not that important.  
You know what’s important?  
GOING OUT INTO THE WOODS  
AND DESCRIBING A FOX IN AN EXTREMELY SENSUAL MANNER  
This dude REALLY likes foxes is what I’m saying  
Or is possibly continually baffled by his attraction to them  
I’m not sure

Honestly the dude seems to be confused about a lot of things related to animals  
because after going on for way too long about how attractive foxes are  
he genuinely seems to think that horses respond well to morse code  
which at that point, I start to get worried for the guy's sanity.

Like okay, maybe I can see the connection between horses and morse code  
if you think horses stamping on the ground translates into morse code  
possibly to some secret underground organization related to a thoroughbred of sin?  
I mean it’s completely possible  
Or at least it makes about as much sense as anything else in this myth.

Actually no, I take that back  
that part makes perfect sense because  
after the sudden bout of discussion concerning horse commutation  
TWO furry foxes show up in the middle of the woods that this guy is standing in  
I repeat:  
FLOATING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS  
THERE IS LEGITIMATELY NO REASON FOR THIS  
OR AT LEAST NO REASON I CAN DISCERN  
OTHER THAN THE FOXES ARE TRYING TO DRIVE THE GUY  
AND BY EXTENSION EVERYONE HEARING THE MYTH  
ABSOLUTELY MAD

I am not sure how much of an ancient mystery fox noises are  
but holy shit  
you have to wonder how many people have actually been driven insane at this point  
because with these foxes giving out bullshit answers  
making nonsense noises  
Mister Closet Is A Disappointment  
is absolutely out of his mind  
he is freaking out because NO ONE WILL TELL HIM WHAT THE FOX SAYS.

"BAY-BADABUD-DUM-BAM"  
IS NOT AN ANSWER  
IT IS THE SOUND YOU MAKE  
WHEN TRYING TO DESCRIBE A SWEET BASS HOOK  
THERE ARE NO SWEET BASS HOOKS IN THIS MYTH  
ONLY MISTER NARRATOR WHO I PERHAPS HAVE UNFAIRLY MALIGNED THIS ENTIRE TIME  
FINALLY LOSING IT  
AND US ALONG WITH HIM  
AS SOME FOXES HOVER IN MID AIR  
AND OTHERS SIMPLY DANCE AROUND HIM  
PROUD THAT THEY HAVE DRIVEN ANOTHER PERSON - AND BY EXTENSION, PERHAPS, THE WHOLE AUDIENCE -  
MAD

at this point the story ends  
with no further information about what has happened to our main character  
or the foxes  
or the party  
or the people at the party  
or really anyone at all  
meaning that the narrator’s question  
what does the fox say  
is now our question  
and that we, like him,  
are truly lost

so the moral of this story is:  
if you want to know what a fox says  
just use google  
you will learn that foxes say:  
“well we sound like screaming sacrifices to Satan  
but you can transcribe that noise as ‘yip.’”

**Author's Note:**

> A very happy Yuletide to you, Mithrigil. I know that your prompt erred towards taking it seriously, but I thought that this might be a fun, different approach to the madness of the fox.
> 
> All stylistic credit goes to [Myths RETOLD](http://www.bettermyths.com), a site near and dear to my heart.


End file.
